I was on Instagram, and saw a review for Patricia Wants to Cuddle. I barely remember what the review said, something about a reality show on an island, I was entranced by the books cover art. I do not tend to judge books by their covers… as they are often designed to be aesthetic / bookstagram / booktok ready, and they do not usually reflect the pages within. However, I couldn’t ignore the pull I felt towards the cover: An influencer type girl, with a cowboy hat, being held by a giant Bigfoot hand (image above, left). I am embarrassed to admit that when my copy arrived (image above, right), whilst it was still fun, it didn’t have the same impact as the first one I saw. Regardless of the cover, I was still pleased to give it a read, even though I struggled to remember what made me want it in the first place (except for the fun cover…).

‘The Catch is like a black hole: you can shine a light into it, but nothing comes out of it intact.’

‘The Catch’ is a TV show that seems to be a show synonymous with ‘The Bachelor,’ a reality show based on a rich / relatively affluent / E-list Celebrity, who is single, arrogant, annoying, and ready to ‘settle down,’ being chucked into a mansion with 10-12 eligible, ‘attractive,’ women who are desperate to win and be his bride. Starting in 2003, The Bachelor survived the continuously changing landscape of reality TV, somehow maintaining an audience through the augmented and evolving trends. From the competitive era of the early 2000s, with explorations around survival, romance and searching for talent, through celebrity / docu-soap style television, right into the contemporary days of streaming, social influencing and sexual-tension fueled entertainment (AKA Temptation Island, Too Hot to Handle & Love Island), The Bachelor has managed to maintain the right balance, slightly shifting focus with each trend to ensure sustainability and survival. The reason I mention this, is because basic knowledge of The Bachelor acts as a useful foundation to contextualise the setting of Allen’s novel. If (for some reason) you haven’t heard of the Bachelor (perhaps you live under a rock), mix together Love Island and Big Brother, throwing in a random E list celebrity sports-ball star or influencer, and you have probably got enough to go off.

‘All guys feel alienated, even the hot ones. Maybe especially the hot ones. They don’t want to be sought after or swooned over; they want to be wanted, same as everybody. They want permission to have needs and to be told that those needs are worth satisfying.’

Without spoiling the artificially scripted drama inducing, sexual tension fueled teetering- on-the-edge-of-annoying plot line and arc of The Catch, (although you have probably largely pieced this together) I’ll mention a few key and gorgeous aspects of this book, which makes it worth a read!

‘Is this all there is waiting for Renee? Love, maybe, and then decay? Her body catching up with the rot in her brain?’

The final four contestants arrive on a mysterious island, notorious for being a LGBTQ+ party island in the past, and now it is a quiet, sleepy island with a tiny bit of tourism for walking… with even less visitors lately, due to mysterious disappearances in the forest and walking trails. The Catch team arrive ready to host a Glamping episode, with helicopter rides and general reality-style drama (girls clambering after the guy with desperation, arguing about beliefs, or having silent existential crisis’ off camera).

“You’re right L.M. I don’t know whether you want to be Jesus or whether you want to fuck him.”

The girls from the show meet locals, learn more about the island and the topography. The reader is given snippets of social media posts about The Catch, the island and all the disappearances (a sneaky recent author trick that I am seeing more and more of recently, and I enjoy it!), and as the novel progresses we are drip fed more information that soon moulds our expectations of the narrative. The more we read, the more Allen reveals her talent for effective writing, that doesn’t rely on complexity or confusing language, that successfully portrays emotion and triggers nostalgia or grief, particularly surrounding island local, Maggie. She has recently lost her wife to cancer and seems to exist in a state of sadness and tenseness. Allen skillfully uses emotion to manipulate her characters into something tangible and realistic, for example using love and grief with Maggie:

‘Even though the loss is recent, the grief in Maggie’s voice sounds old, calcified.’

‘I don’t think of her as being ‘dead’ anymore, so much as different. Still here, just … unseen’

‘My life will be one long love letter to you, and I won’t stop writing until I run out of pages’

Beautiful writing.

Although this novel seems to be a drama-fueled reality show hosted on a queer island, there is a dramatic shift to horror towards the end of the story, that I won’t ruin here, but I thoroughly enjoyed. Nothing wrong with some truly gory deaths for some entitled beige and boring influencers! Underneath the facade of ‘reality Tv,’ this novel is about community, resilience, finding your place in the world, and against all odds, living your truth.

10/10 recommend.

Patricia Wants a Cuddle is available now, you can order your copy on Bookshop.org