Here at the fantasy-hive we don’t like numbers, or stars, or quantifiable ratings – although we do admit we have to give out numerical scores for all of the eventual finalists.

However, rather than put a score on each semifinalist each of our judges is going to rank them as we go through our reviews – inspired by the process used in the SPFBO Champion of Champions contest.

The winning book and chosen finalist will be the one with the best average ranking once all the reviews are done and the judges have ranked all six books. (If there should be a tie on average ranking then the winner will be the one with the most 1st places, if still tied then it will be the one with the most 2nd places and so on.)

This will make for a more dynamic leader table as books can shuffle up or down the list all the way to the sixth and final semi-finalist review.

So on to our Sixth and last semi-finalist review of VAMPIRE MALL COP where the judges will comment under the headings of worldbuilding, Prose, Character and Plot, before giving their pithy one line conclusions and fitting this week’s semifinalist into our overall ranking table.

Worldbuilding

Theo: Like a lot of aspects of this book, the worldbuilding is a sort of slow burn. Initially it appears we have a pretty conventional world with a vampire in it. However, when the protagonist Damien and his insouciant companion (nemesis?!) Ben do finally get off the mountain we start to meet increasing layers of ‘uncanniness’ en route to the titular Mall which is itself a long way from being Bluewater, Lakeside Thurrock or any other ‘out-of-town’ shopping centre. Vampires it appears are not the only fruit – well not the only ‘entities’ – in this world where Ben is a very knowledgeable and well researched human used to dealing with all manner of strangeness. So we do get a veritable explosion of strange creations that stretch the envelope of established fantastic beasts and introduce quite a few new ones. 

Cat: This one took its time letting the reader in. Appropriately confined to the protagonist at first, when vampire Damien finally leaves his house and enters the world proper, we get to see things open up and learn more about just what this reality looks like – and it is indeed magical! Agent Ben’s perspective is somewhat clouded by his enthusiasm, so to then have Damien’s cynicism provide an alternative view left me wondering how most people in the world went about their lives with a supernatural mall just next door! Well-paced in its world-building, and huge fun along the way. The author clearly loves their creations and it shows, crafting a smile on my face at many points along the way. 

Vinay: The worldbuilding is significantly back-loaded – the latter half of the book introduces a lot of fun elements that are hinted sporadically in the first half. The risk of back-loading the worldbuilding could result in a loss of momentum but with Damien’s perspective as our guide, the element of wonder is retained and it feels suitably wondrous as we share what Damien feels

Prose

Theo: With Damien as our first person protagonist, the narrative is delivered in his acerbic and slightly paranoid voice, which does give rise to some nice line moments, like these

“Oh a haunted mall!” I say mockingly. “Of course, of course. That explains everything. You get a  draft and a few noises in the attic and then all of a sudden people are handing over their money like it’s poisoning them. No, I’m not going to leave my comfortable life here to work at your silly tourist trap.”

Or when Damien is not making a great first impression on Ben’s co-worker.

“Ahem. The nice vampire, I believe I said. You still look like you want to murder us.”

“I am being nice,” I whisper. “This is nice.” 

Cat: Poor antisocial Damien! He really is in his own head; but this gives us a great throughline of snarky vampire perspective mixed with any regular isolated (and so somewhat socially-inept) individual.

‘If you fall, I won’t catch you because watching you slide down [the mountain] would be very funny.’

The wonder, fear and confusion combined of seeing a dragon for the first time, quickly followed by encountering the titular mall and its own little ecosystem would absolutely be a lot to deal with, and I was engaged enough to feel that, while enjoying the jovial style immensely.

Vinay: This is a rather fun book. I would say, this had a neat sense of irreverence and frivolity that drew me in. It’s the kind of book that I usually pick up on a lark hoping to have a good time and I think the writing plays a major part in living up to my expectations on it. Damien as a vampire living away from civilization is suitably paranoid and it shows in some of his interactions with Ben. But the paranoia never feels heavy and there is always room for some levity to ease out the mood and keep you hooked on the book, even if (continued in the plot section)

Characters

Theo: For a lot of the book we are treated to a two hander between human Ben who has sought out vampire Damien to help him with a problem. There is an interesting reversal of the usual power balance between humans and vampires, one which Damien himself struggles to come to terms with. Ben in some ways reminds me of Alex Honold the real-life American free rock climber who simply and biologically doesn’t feel fear, and fear after all is an emotion with a purpose – one of keeping us safe. So Ben remains unshaken by Damien’s threats or the prospect of death which does make him difficult for a vampire to comprehend or deal with. Damien himself, having discussed his past unfortunate history with the KGB and also some killer whales, is actually more fearful than Ben and is held in thrall by the fear that Ben’s file of information about Damien could be passed into other hands leading to his discovery. It took me a little while to get into the dynamic between these two, as I waited for the story to ‘get started’ but then I realised the dynamic between these two was the story and I settled back to enjoy it.

Cat: There were times in this book when I found myself sometimes wanting to slap some sense into Damien (and Ben!). There’s so much assumption and lack of explanation until one character seriously pushes for it that I found myself wondering if either of them had much experience with other human beings – at least Damien has an excuse in his isolation. But the ‘odd couple’ soon clicked for me and allowed the story to move forward without any major gripes, which is definitely a skilful line to walk by the author – these two could have very easily been overly forced or irritating. Instead they’re just fairly hapless, and the developing relationship began to blossom so well that I was rooting for our heroes by the time they were facing the Big Bad. Who’d want an antisocial vampire relative, eh?

Vinay: It’s a classic two-hander of the jaded paranoid solo operative and the bubbly team player and their chemistry together as they advance towards a common cause and it is done rather well. Damien’s history has a lot of mystery in it (vampire whales!!!!) that Ben tries to tease out with great enthusiasm revealing a lot about both of them. Towards the 2nd half of the book, we see a bit of a role reversal with Ben in his elements and Damien the slightly lost one seeking answers and this dichotomy worked very well.

Plot

Theo: As I said it takes quite a while for us to get to the Mall – still longer to meet the Entrail Eater, but I guess that makes sense if you read this as the opening book – the pilot book if you like – to a series where many more strange things and creatures are bound to happen. Indeed an epilogue hints at more trouble to come for Damien, Ben and company. As the pilot volume in the series it makes sense that the book should be about establishing Ben and Damien’s characters and the origin story of their relationship – and it delivers very entertainingly on that agenda. And as with all good books, the characters emerge changed by the events the plot puts them through.

Cat: This did take a while to get going in terms of plot, but the time spent learning about our heroes wasn’t wasted. Damien is a fun narrator, Ben is definitely on the neurospicy spectrum-enthusiastic, but once they’re moving so is the story. I appreciated the mall setup as well, the action of monster-hunting was fantastic, and I was reminded of ‘Resident Evil’ or ‘Dawn of the Dead’ with a lot more humour! I’ll definitely be looking out for What Happens Next in this universe, as it seems there’s so much more potential to be told. An excellent setup for an entertaining series. 

Vinay: Picking up from the writing section, the plotting is an area that almost feels like an afterthought. The writing is so charming that you forget that nothing much happens for the first 70% of the book and for a book that is titled Vampire Mall Cop, it takes a lot of time to get to the mall and for the vampire to do stuff there. The pace picks up post 70% and there is a definite sense of urgency and resolution to the book but this book felt more of a setup/ prequel

Conclusion

Theo: An enjoyable opening romp that introduces an unwillingly nice vampire, an exotically populated mall and a dangerously nonchalant human.

Cat: All the fun of slightly inept heroes fighting monsters in a magical mall!

Vinay: A charming, entertaining book with a classic movie-style odd cop pairing that really works

And the Final state of play

After all semifinalist reviews have been done, our table looks like this

Current Ranking of Books	Theo	Vinay	Cat
1st
2nd
3rd
4th
5th
6th

And we have a WINNER

The Fantasy-Hive’s Finalist for SPFBO11

by a unanimous decision

is

THE HALLOWS

A mark for Mark

What’s that? Oh, er Mark will want a number, oh yes – damn numbers!

Which (when rounded to the nearest 0.5) becomes

8.5