ASK THE WIZARD – Eons and Leagles
Ulesorin, here once again, and dictating this message to you from the heart of the dragon/wizard hybrid beast army through my charming daughter-secretary. I have been welcomed with open arms back into the fold of my reptilian family as their patriarch once more, but it has come at a rather unfortunate cost. It would seem that their loyalty is to their own scales, and as such they will only have me as their leader for so long as I am sufficiently draconic in appearance and stature. What luck then that I am currently a newt.
T’is the season, dear otherworldly peasants. The season of the witch.
I cannot say with any certainty whether a local cadre of the wart-nosed bent have inflicted my current arrangement upon me, or whether it was the work of last month’s letter writer, but I will say that if all of my natural parts are returned to me in the condition in which I last saw them, then I shall not be pressing charges or encouraging any sort of reptilian holy war against you bitter hags.
Yes. Bitter hags. It isn’t an insult to witches to call them hags, it is practically the job description.
Butter them up? They’re witches not crabs. Stop thinking with your stomach, you foolish girl. No wonder you’re a scribe not a war-leader like your brother Bloodscale!
No don’t write all of that down. What in the blazes do you think you are doing? I swear I have never had a more incompetent assistant in all of my years and I once employed kobolds. Just give me the quill. Give me the qui…
How do you spell the name of the winged creature bearing a lion’s body and an eagle’s head: gryphon, griffin, or griffon?
– Perplexed Lex(icographer)
I swear to the gods of arcana, this is the question on which I end the year? I have guided you plebs through plague and genuine crisis, and I end this nightmare on a question of linguistics? Do I look like a scribe to you? Are these the tattered sack-cloth robes of a… well admittedly I am currently wearing some very fashionable newt-skin, but in general I believe that you get the gist of what I am saying.
It is written in the ancient scrolls that the correct name for such a beast is Gryphon. That Griffon is a surname derived from the name of that beast and that Griffin is a bastardisation of said name.
With all of that said, I think that we can all agree that the two true and acceptable names that should be applied to them are Leagle or Eon.
Picture if you will, a flight of eternal Eons descending from on high to enforce the will of their mighty master, Ulesorin the Green. Or scrabbling out of hiding among the woods there come the mighty Leagles, bursting with arcane might! Every word to creak forth from their mighty beaks writ in an instant as natural law.
Either would be preferable to these bloody stupid newt-lovers. Family. Who would have them?!
Having relationship issues? Need career advice? You name it, our ‘Agony Ant’ can help!* Email your problems to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject ‘Ask the Wizard’, or leave a comment below.
*Disclaimer: All answers are provided for entertainment purposes only. It may not be in your best interests to follow advice provided by a 1794-year-old man who is currently an amphibian.